True feelings
by Obsessed-fan
Summary: ((I'm awful at these things.. but here it goes...)) Richard and Justin take off to freedom. In the early hours of the morning Richard feels the need to let his feelings be heard... Please Review! :) It's my first so be nice..Please? And Ryan Gosling is s


Why couldn't it have been Music, huh? Or, how about the same interest in girls? Or even the same kind of drugs? Why couldn't it have been any of those things? How come it had to be plotting a murder that made Justin wanna know me? 

I had it all planned out. I swear to fucking god. I had it planned. He was suppose to tutor me that day…and I had planned on seducing him. I really did. Justin was gonna to be mine. But no. He just had to start talking to me about murder and acts of being free…. And I let him talk me into it. Why? Because.. Well, I like.. Justin. I figured if it was the only way he'd want to know this rich boy for who I really am then… okay, I'll just go along with it. 

Justin is everything I'm not. He's smart. He stands out. He knows all the shit that I could only dream about knowing. Always ate alone. Always reading… Never smiling. I don't think I've ever really seen him smile except a few times when I've cracked an awful joke. He's.. he's always so fucking calm too. 

We did had something in common though… being misunderstood and alone. I dunno what it really is that's attracted me to him so much.. But it's enough for me to just throw away everything and go along with his fucked up ideas. I guess, I'm fucked up too… am I doing all of this for… love? Am I blind? Does he even see who I really am? I've made so many passes at him! I can't keep my hands off him and it drives me crazy! 

But.. I'm awful and it turns my stomach in knots just thinking about what I did to…to… show him he doesn't need anyone but me! I should've never fucked Lisa and taped it. I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry Justin. And no matter how I tell him or show him, I don't think he'll ever forgive me. I'm fucked up! I wanted him to see that I'm better for him. 

So, I've gone along with his plans… I killed my friend, I helped kill this poor woman that didn't know what was coming… I just.. I fucking did whatever he wanted… I wanted him to like me so bad! I wanted him to want me as much as I want him….. 

We got away with it… but I'm here in my car.. It's 4:30 AM and we're driving to an unknown destination. I can't stop. I don't think I could even if I wanted to. All I know is that we can't stay in California anymore. The fucking cops are on to us and I fucking blew it after talking to that detective. Fuck! I've messed things up for us… I over did it in the Gym, I fucked Lisa… I talked… I fucking screwed up his beautiful plan of being free.. I fucked up a love I could have had…….. And yet he's with me in my car right now and we're driving to god knows where….. 

How can he sleep right now? How can he just close those eyes of his and fall asleep? Yeah It's late but still… What's going to happen to us? Where are we going to go? Maybe he depends on me for the money thing. He could have written me off long ago but he hasn't. Does he care about me? I know I've done a sick job of showing him I care… but I really do. 

***

Justin stirred in his sleep as Richard drove the early morning roads. Richard was deep, lost in his thoughts as he sped. He had never felt so broken in all his 18 years. Of course he had a image to hold at school and it slowly was falling, breaking apart from him as his relationship with Justin grew and thickened. He was confused. Nothing had gone the way it should have. And he knew it was all his fault. Richard glanced with pleading eyes over to the sleeping boy. " Justin," He whimpered out. " Justin. Please wake up." Justin crinkled his eye brows as his name beckoned him from sleep. "wha-what?" He blinked his eyes and turned his head lazily over to Richards profile. Richard gripped the steering wheel, practically digging his nails into the leather of it. "I… I have to tell you something." He turned over to look at Justin then back at the road. Justin sat up in his seat and looked at the desert rolling by. " Mmm. Okay." " No, you don't understand. I really have to tell you something and.. I.." he searched for the words " And I just don't know how to go about it…" Justin looked over at Richard again who was biting on his bottom lip and digging finger nails into the wheel. " M-maybe we should pull over Richard. You're going a little fast" Richard was doing way over the speed and even though no one was on the road it still wasn't cool. With Justin's command/ request, Richard slowed his speed and pulled over to the side.. 

Justin took off his seat belt and leaned back against the window and faced Richard. "Richard?" There was that calm voice…. Richard looked forward to the dim lit mountains with hands still grasping the wheel. " I'm…" Justin stared. " I'm…." Richard lowered his head slowly as he spoke. " I'm sorry for….everything…Justin." He whimpered his name again. 

Justin leaned forward a bit. " I'm sorry for hurting you so badly…I'm sorry for fucking Lisa, I'm sorry for talking, I'm sorry for making fun of you all those years before, and I'm sorry I'll never be able to make you believe me!" Richard still held fast to the wheel with his head bent down. " I ruined your plan.. And it's because of me that we're driving like this. It's my fault.. It's m-" Richard was cut off by Justin's soft touch to his bone white knuckles on the wheel. Richard opened his tear filled eyes but still held his sorrowful head down. "Richard," Justin placed his hand over Richards right hand. " I.. I forgave you already." Richard screwed his head up slowly to meet with Justin's blue eyes. "You… you what?" He let out a nervous laugh and a sniff. " But..I thought that.." His grip weakened and let go. " You thought wrong Richard." Richard shifted his eyes to the left as he pouted out his bottom lip some what. " But you don't care about me the way I do for you.." Justin blinked in surprise . " What do you mean?" He gave a small smile. 

Richard blushed in the dark. " Ah Justin. Don't..don't ask that. It just makes it worse.." Richard tucked a few strands behind Justins ear. " It hurts, ya know?" Justin shook his head, 

"What does?" Richard snorted " Don't you see?" Justin's eyes lingered down to Richards chest… he could tell Richard's heart was beating quite fast through his clothes. He swallowed hard and locked eyes with the blonde. " I see that you're really nervous." Richard became frustrated. 

" Justin! You fucking idiot… I'm falling for you and I can't stress it enough without you punching me or something!" Richard quickly undid his seat belt and turned to face Justin. Justin's eyes widened as pink dashed across his face. " I like you." He moaned out. " I don't know when it started but I like you Justin. All that we've done… everything, I did it because I care about you like no one else does. I went along with everything.. Because I wanted you to want me!" He shut his eyes applying pressure to them with his thumb and index finger. " Do you hate me?" Richard let out a sigh after trying to explain to Justin what he couldn't even explain to himself. 

Justin leaned closer to Richard. " Of course not…" He removed Richards hand. His eyes opened with tears. " Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Richard snorted " Yeah. Okay. It's so easy for me to tell another guy that I'm in love with them." Justin fluttered his eyes and stuttered " w-wh-what did you just say? You're.. In l-love with me?" The lanky boy felt failure from the tone of Justin's re-cap of his own statement. " Yeah…." Richard looked down and to the left again. Ashamed of admitting his true feelings for the other. " I'm really sorry." 

" Would you stop saying you're sorry! It's not you and I hate hearing you like this. It makes me feel like the bad guy." Richard snorted again. " Well you… are Justin." 

" Shut up Richard. And listen to me." It was painful to move his eyes up to Justin but he managed to do it again. " There's no reason to be sorry for saying what you just have. I've been questioning myself this whole time too. When I'm around you I feel these intense feelings between us and I can't express how I feel for you because I wasn't sure If you were just being possessive of a friendship or if you really did feel for me in a loving way. And yes, you have a very fucked up way of showing it. Why did you fuck Lisa? Why did you hurt me like that. I have forgiven you but it still hurts inside." 

Richard felt queasy. " Oh Justin…I- I'm so sorry. It was the only way I knew how to show you that I'm the only one that's good for you." Justin huffed. " No! You could have just done this instead, Moron!" And with that blurt, Justin grabbed Richard by his jacket and pulled him close to his full lips. Richard let out a gruff moan of pleasure. This was what he had wanted all along.. Something so simple. They didn't have to murder someone to bond like this… He should have stopped Justin when he told him his plans.. He should have just done this instead.. He should have just taken the chance and kissed him at the kitchen table. He should have.. But he didn't.. and now he was kissing.. They were kissing…. And he…liked ..it. Richard broke away for a second. "Justin.." Eyes glazed over and lips partly still touching he continued, " I want you…" Justin brushed his lips again to Richard. " I want you too Richard…" 

His slender fingers held fast to the sides of Justin's cheeks and dove in for another kiss. This time it was more deep and strong. Richard slipped his palette of pleasure to Justin's and worked with it. Justin let out a moan this time as he grabbed tighter to Richards Jacket. The two boys were feeling, making a stronger connection, showing that they were able to love even after committing such awful acts of crime and freedom. His heart was trembling with sadness and joy as he caressed Justin's warm cheeks. They didn't have to kill someone to be free.. All they had to do was love one another… Tears were shed between both boys through out kisses. "I'm sorry Richard…" Justin grabbed onto Richards wrists. " Why?" He chocked out.

" I'm sorry that things can't go back to normal. We'll never graduate from High School. We'll be on the run…." Richard swallowed hard and smiled softly " But at least we'll be together, Right?" Justin butted his forehead against Richards. " Yes. Yes we will." 

***

After realizing, admitting, and sharing a split of passion, Richard turned the engine on again. They drove through the early morning until they came to a motel. It looked quite old and run down. They didn't care though. It was a place to sleep. Richard paid for the room with his visa and knew in the back of his mind that soon his cards would be canceled by dear 'ol Mummy and Daddy. "Great." He held up the cards to Justin after they walked from the lobby. " These will probably only get us so far for a while." Justin just watched Richard's strut as they walked to the room. He had never noticed just how Incredible his form really was. 

In the room Justin shut the drapes tight while Richard flicked on a dim light by the bed. Silence fell across the boys. One on the bed and the other by the window. Richard undressed Justin in his mind while Justin shifted his weight to one side. He wanted Justin something awful. Never had he wanted a boy so much as he did Justin. His heart was filled with excitement and love. Richard Haywood… In love. He wasn't such a jerk after all… Justin had seen him at his worst just a few hours before. A softer side of the arrogant beast. Richard was nothing more than a lost puppy deep down. All he really wanted was someone to love and he was willing to do whatever it took to get that love. Who's stronger than who now? Justin thought. 

"Well, are you gonna come over here or not?" Richard raised his eye brows and smiled lightly. Justin slouched over as he walked to Richard. He stood in front of the sitting beauty. "Justin.." Richard tilted his head up. His eyes were like a Childs. Curious and harmless. Richard was no longer the jerk he saw at school or at the Bluff… No, he was the guy he talked to on the phone those nights, the guy who always put his arm around him, the guy that hugged him even after he punched in the face, the guy that always made suggestive eyes at him…. Richard was soft.

Justin twisted his own shirt over his head and exposed his chest to Richard. " Take off yours." Richards eyes drifted down and up again to Justin's eyes. " You mean, … You really want to? With ..me?" He only nodded as he waited for Richard to remove his top half of clothing. Richard unzipped his red jacket and took off his hoody. His tan flesh left Justin with a dry feel in his mouth. He didn't know just how amazing Richards thin body really was. Bony, yes, but also quite built. 

"Justin.. Come here.." Richard reached out for his pale arm and slowly brought him down to the bed. " I really want you to know that I care about you…" He trailed his finger tips from Justin's full lips down to his collar bone and shoulder. Justin smiled slightly as he watched Richards eyes flicker in the dimness of the lamp. He was so different. So sad… so unlike Richard. " I do know. I know now , Richard." 

Soon the two boys were kissing one another deeply and heavily on the lips. Richard pushed Justin down on his back against the cool sheets. He was going to really show Justin his feelings. He would make him understand. He was going to make Justin his for good this time. There was no turning back. This was the path they both had chosen and Richard was going to push it to the fullest. " I need you…" He breathed on Justin's neck after leaving butter fly kisses. " I want you … and I want to be inside of you.." Justin shot open his eyes and fixed them on the ceiling. He never thought he'd hear Richard say those things… especially in such a soft tone. Richard straddled himself on Justin's lower half. He sat up to unbutton his jeans all the while his eyes were resting on Justin's face. " Justin, please don't puss out on now." Justin shook from his daze and undid his own pants. "I'm not. It's just so unlike you.." Richard tossed his jeans on the floor and pushed Justin back down on the bed by his shoulders. " Well, how do you want me to be Justin?" With one hand on his left shoulder he took he other and finished the job for Justin. Both of them laid they on the bed completely nude. Both their true beauty showed in full. Richard curled a thin smile as his fingers lingered on the outside of Justin's right thigh. "Hm? Tell me … and I'll be it." Justin swallowed hard. Richards equally deep pools of blue fixed on Justin. 

" No, I mean,.. I like this… I wouldn't want you any other way.." Justin reached up to bring Richards head down close to his for more soft tender kisses. 

Foreplay was done for quite some time. Richard played with Justin's hair.. He nipped at Justin's collar bone.. He flicked his soft tongue over Justin's hard nipples… caressed his inner thighs…. Groped him in all the right places and held tight to Justin's gaze… " I want you to be mine so bad Justin." The sexual tension was growing between both boys and something had to be done soon.. Richard was making it incredibly hard for Justin to do any sort of movement. He was in control with the touch.. With the force… with the passion. 

Justin leaned up on his elbows to kiss Richard as best as he could. There were all sorts of things running through his head…. They had come this far and in such an awful way… It shouldn't have been the way it was for this to happen.. " Oh Richard…. I wish I had known before…" Richard pushed him down again. " Stop… Just don't say it anymore or I'm gonna embarrass myself again and do some stupid shit like.. Cry." He licked his bottom lip. "Now, I wanna get this on with you Justin. No more talking.. Deal?" He was soft with his commands… Justin nodded and wrapped his arms around Richards shoulders. " Do what you wish…" 

Richard kissed more and Justin kissed back… and before long Richard was entering Justin's opening slowly.. " I'm not hurting you, am I?" Hurting Justin was the last thing he wanted to do on his list… Justin shook his head with messy hair in his eyes. Richard moved the strands away and smiled softy. Another inch entered …and then another…. And another…. Justin screwed his head back and bit down on his full bottom lip. He was in pain but it was such a different kind of pain…. He wanted it.. He needed it.. And he was getting it from the one person he would ever want it from. "Justin, arch your back some." Richard grunted back. With an arched back he let out a moan of passion. Richard was in. All the way.. And he soon began to pull out… and push in…. slowly but surely… In and out he was. Their bodies rocked as one… they were, One. They were free. Nothing could hurt them and nothing was going to break what they were creating. It was untouchable and Richard knew he was in love. It was all around and inside him… He was happy and sad all at once.. He looked down at his best friend to see him tilting his head back, panting, Moaning and grabbing hold of the sheets. " I love you…" Richard whispered as he felt the build. Through all the motions he put Justin's legs over his shoulders to get a better angle. 

Justin whimpered in pain and happiness. It was a feeling that he liked very much! " Oh god.. I'm gonna cum.. Richard…" Richard grinned as he worked in and out still " Yea- no kiddin.. Me too.." His breath was unsteady… All he could think about was releasing what was building inside of himself. The climax was growing…" Justin..Auh.. Oh God.." It was almost there…. And with glazed eyes and parted lips he let it all go inside of Justin. He threw his head back as he finished releasing. Justin soon followed after. 

Richard removed Justin's legs from his shoulders and fell limp beside his friend. Richard was panting like mad. He could barely look at Justin as he laid on his side… " I feel so.. Weak." Justin sat up and looked at himself and then over at Richards lanky body next to his.. " That was awful…." He cleaned up himself and tried to move his hair away from his face. " Well of course it was," he panted "I've never done it before asshole.." 

Justin huffed and smiled weakly. He was still flushed in the face from Richards pushes and pulls.. "That just means we're gonna have to do it again is all." Richard smiled at the remark and closed his eyes… "Was I really that bad?" Justin shook his head, "No." " Justin.. Come back…" Richard reached out for Justin's bare leashed shoulder and pulled him back down beside him.. " Just.. Just lay here with me…..please?" His eyes were pleading again.. Worried and somewhat lost. " Richard.. It's going to be okay…" Richards eyes glittered in the light " It is?" Justin nodded. " Yeah… because I love you and we're free…" 


End file.
